I lost my best friend almost 5 years ago. It is a different kind of grief when you lose a close friend. I’ve lost family before. Elderly relatives that lived long lives. And while those deaths made me very sad, it wasn’t quite the same. It wasn’t as intense. I think when you find another human being, of which you have no blood relation, and still choose to share your life with them… it is a very special thing.
I could rattle off cliches and platitudes that we’ve all heard before… but when they were said to me they didn’t help much. The most relevant one might be “time heals all wounds.” The passage of time really was the only significant thing that made the loss easier. But I found that the wound never really heals. The pain dulls and eventually you can filter it out when you need to. But then something will trigger a memory of your friend and that wound will burst open again.
I don’t say this to bum you out or leave you without hope. I just don’t think it is beneficial to sugarcoat how hard it can be to grieve a friend. I can say that there will come a time when you can more easily cope with the pain. You will get to a point where your memories of your friend don’t always make you sad. Sometimes you will look back and really appreciate that time you had with them. Thoughts of them might even force a smile on your face you didn’t think possible.
I guess if I had one piece of advice to give, it would be to not fight the sadness. I think that was my biggest mistake in the beginning. I thought I could somehow use my mental powers to fight off the sadness—like a knight facing a dragon. For me, all this did was make me both angry and sad.
I learned that sadness is not a singular entity that can be defeated. It is more like a series of waves crashing into you. Some of them are huge. Some of them are more manageable. And if you resist them it just makes it hurt more when they smack into you.
Eventually, when I felt a wave of intense sadness coming on, I would just let it happen. I would let it wash over me and give into it. I would cry my tears; I would feel my feels. When the intensity lessened it felt almost cathartic. I avoided that anger.
I am very sorry for your loss.
It is going to suck for a while.
But it is okay to be sad.
Perhaps you can think of your despair as one last epic display of love for your friend. It shows that your love for them was so profound that their loss caused an explosion of grief that will resonate within your physical and mental self for the rest of your days.
Which means they will always be a part of you.